The definition of what I would call “Bolt Thrower heavy” is a curious concept, but I feel that I can provide a description.  My best shit is the one that happens after my morning cup of coffee.  Hell, even if I have to shit right when I wake up I prolong the misery until I get that metabolism spiking caffeine into my system.  Then I hit the can with a copy of whatever is readable and rest my pale hairy ass cheeks on the toilet seat.  Every now and again, with a loathsome groan I will push out a massively long turd, that despite my inability to see until I stand up, leaves me in physical awe of its length and diameter.  I can feel it teetering on the edge of my rectum before one last marathon effort shoves it out.  It hits the water in a bulky slosh displacing feces liquid in every direction including up where it coats the interior of my ass and languid hanging balls with more cool water than a 450-pound fatty doing a belly flop.  Unfortunately, this is a bit of an inconvenience cause I have to take a shower, but damn, shits like that are the epitome of HEAVY.

Now, if you have heard Bolt Thrower then you already know they are putrid heavy.  If your only experience with them is some of their later albums and you are not sure what all the hype is about then my hope is that this review will make you dig your credit card out of your wallet to buy ‘Realm of Chaos’, which is one of my favorite Old School albums by Bolt Thrower.  From my perspective ‘Realm of Chaos’ is a revoltingly hostile deep recording.  This is a result of how all the instruments are down-tuned to seedy politician levels.  The production serves to enhance the sound thereby giving the listener the impression that ‘Realm of Chaos’ is a slab of 3 inch thick beef hacked off a freshly slaughtered cow for some ugsome barbarian to feast upon.  The vocals are animal gargles as if Karl Willets dug a hole to the bottom corner of a shit packed dumpster and sang surrounded by a wall of metal and filthy debris.  Jo Bench on bass provides a crunchy hearty feel to the music that is enhanced by nefarious fuzz.  On guitar Gavin Ward and Barry Thomson slug you in the face with catchy groovy riffage that is permeated with a doom undercurrent.  Important too is that the riffs are clear despite the low down tune style of the sound… Check out “World Eater” cause if that song don’t make you want to get up and mosh, jack off, fuck, kill, or pillage then you ain’t human.  Meanwhile on drums Andy Whale sprints via head bobbing double bass, blast beats, and quick rolls.  Overall he does an exceptional job of adding to the overall thickset sound of this album.

Normally I would contrast Bolt Thrower with other bands, but what the fuck is the point where this album is concerned considering that it made its debut back in 1989.  Now that doesn’t mean other groups that came out of the Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Grindcore, or Doom genres didn’t influence Bolt Thrower.  No, what it means is that Bolt Thrower is one of the pioneers of the Death Metal scene that fans love to listen to today.  I ain’t gonna give a nostalgic lecture on why Bolt Thrower is an exceptional band except to say that what makes ‘Realm of Chaos’ killer is that it stands out in 2006 almost as much as it did 17 years ago in 1989 due to its sheer turd heaviness.  Hell, Bolt Thrower and their contemporaries are exceptional enough today that bands are attempting to recapture that Old School sound.  Do yourself a favor and add this album to your collection, and if you already own it, TURN IT UP!!!!

By Mike Lidia